When I read a harsh review my usual reflection is that criticism is so easy and a sort of safe play for critics. In the case of Swedish newspaper Metro’s review of the Metallica/Lou Reed collaboration Lulu however, not only do I feel is the harshness warranted but the review itself is a masterpiece. Translated to English by yours truly:
“Metallica & Lou Reed – Lulu -1 out of 5
Metallica has finally disappeared up their own assholes for good. The band walks the earth like a gigantic butt, Lou Reed its rider. The nefarious combo farts humanity in the face – nothing held back.
They have created an absurd mockery of rock music who’s closest reference is Trey Parker/Matt Stone. However, The South Park duo could never create such a quixotic parody. The vileness is too improbable, the poetry too pathetic, the music too non-existant. This is just abominable sound created by super stars who’s innermost cores consist of Chernobyl.
All ratings above the lowest is a lie. Metallica/Reed kicks the bottom out of the barrel. Everyone is in free fall.
Best song: You’ve got to be kidding me…”
Here’s the original, in Swedish: http://www.metro.se/noje/metallica-lou-reed-lulu/EVHkjy!mV1tFUb2w9GFI/